My folks left for Ava within hours of learning of Uncle Jim's death. Shortly after they got there, they called to let us know when and where the service would be, and so forth. From the get go, it was clear they expected me to make the trip but not my sister. (She's too busy, they said.)
They called every day, all week. Every time they called, they asked me to do something else before I came. Then they checked on whether I'd done the other things they asked. All while repeating that they couldn't ask Deb to do anything because she's too busy.
By the last couple of calls, I could barely hold my tongue. The words, "What about ME!! Don't you realize I have other things to do, too?" tried to leap from my lips. I fought them back.
Then came Saturday. Deb ended up going down, too. We met our folks at the church. My father, normally a pretty snappy dresser, was wearing white, ankle-length gym socks with his dress shoes. The bottom half of his tie hung almost to his belt; the top half flapped mid-way down his chest. He, quite literally, had come undone.
Within moments, I understood and felt terrible about my reactions. In his pain, he trusted me to help. He called not to demand things of me, but to hear my voice and anchor himself to the earth. He couldn't express that. May not even have known it. But there it is, just the same.
They're coming home today. I'm going over this morning to put fresh sheets on their bed and milk in the frig. Probably leave a pot of soup simmering on the stove so they have lunch ready when they get in.
When the world spins out of control, we are one another's touchstones. We can't change what is, but we can show up for it.
And that makes all the difference.
6 comments:
You're of course right about this, as all of us who know you already understand.
Your loved ones always turn to you at difficult times. This is perhaps something of a burden at times, but it is evidence of the special person you are.
Talk soon.
There it is. The true essence of you J. This post is full of so much love it's palpable. That is your gift.
>When the world spins out of control, we are one another's touchstones. We can't change what is, but we can show up for it.
And that makes all the difference<
Thanks for the last three sentences. I'm off to my grandfather's memorial service next weekend and I'm taking them with me in my heart.
You are who you are and it is obvious that your parents and friends cherish you for that. Those who don't appreciate it (Deb?), move over!
Love you.
Yup! Why they depend on you is obvious.
They can COUNT on you.
That says so much about who you are... They know how lucky they are to have you.
:)
Your kindness. Your wisdom. Your compassion. You make all the difference.
We can show up, and I'm so grateful for your example of what that can look like.
Much love.
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