Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Nail, Meet Head

Yesterday, LuckyzMom commented: "How is his situation different than yours? What are your qualifications?"

Talk about hitting the nail on the head! Last night I talked to another man from Match. He asked how long I've been divorced. When I told him 17 years, he let out a long, low whistle. "Whoa. You're set in your ways!" he exclaimed.

I've thought and thought about that. I'm not even sure what my ways are. I don't have set habits or things that have to be a certain way. I share my life with so many people that it's sure not "my way or the highway" around here.

But it is true that I'm not prepared to compromise more than a reasonable amount just to find someone. And it is true that some of my life and characteristics could be as much of a red flag to others as the whole "not ready" thing was to me Monday night.

Lord. This is all so complicated. Or not, depending on what you make of it.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Striking Matches

My number one "thing to do before I go" is fall in love again. I've been waiting patiently, but no available man has knocked at my door, offering to join me in that adventure. It was well past time to take action. Sunday afternoon I signed up for on-line dating.

Last night I spoke to an interesting man. So far, I know he's smart and funny and loves his kids.

I also know he's a widower whose wife died about a year ago. She was his high school sweetheart, and they'd been married almost 40 years. He has not yet gone on an actual date with anyone.

Almost every story he told me about his children involved teaching them to be careful with money. He talked a lot about conserving throughout his life so he is absolutely secure for retirement.

I can't hear or see for the alarm bells ringing and the red flags flying in my head.

This man and his wife seem to have had a wonderful relationship. Being the first to date someone after a divorce almost never goes well. Dating after a death is likely to be even more intense. He's not ready -- he hasn't found his balance yet. He's lonely, and that's not good.

His focus on being careful with money may be his way of emphasizing what he considers a good quality. Or he might be a miser.

I am glad I insisted on calling him rather than giving him my number, glad I hid my number when I called. A big part of me has no intention of even responding to the email he sent this morning to tell me how much he enjoyed the conversation.

Isn't this how I've ended up single for 17 years? After a 60 minute conversation, I've written the entire story in my head and titled it Too Much Trouble.

How much of what I'm thinking here is common sense and how much is avoidance? I'd appreciate any thoughts you have.

Tuesday, February 01, 2011


I am working in a coffee shop. Every 30 seconds or so, the man next to me snores quite loudly, several times.

The man's feet twitch from time to time. His eyes are open. He's reading a newspaper, for goodness sake. He's also snoring like a grizzly burrowed into a snowbound cave in the mountains of Montana.

Ambien? Sleep apnea? Poor nasal hygiene?

It's a complete mystery.