The Power of Fear

I had my first orgasm at 16.

My boyfriend and I were making out in the front seat of his car after Homecoming. After 15 or 20 minutes of serious kissing, he unbuttoned my shirt, moved my bra aside and kissed my naked breast. POW! What a feeling! Afterward, sitting alone in my dark bedroom, I figured out what had happened. I distinctly remember thinking about a magazine article I'd read about how hard it is to achieve orgasm. I can still hear the voice in my head and feel the fear it created. "That's supposed to be hard to do. What if I never get to do it again? What if I'm punished for doing it so easily now, when I'm not supposed to. What if the punishment is not getting to feel it later, when the time is right?"

I didn't have another orgasm for almost three decades.


I worked for the newspaper in Lynchburg, Virginia in the mid 70s, along with an unhappy, obese woman named Judy. One day Judy looked at my forearms and pronounced that I'd never be able to have children because, like her, I had too much hair on my arms and that hair was a sign that I had too many male hormones.

A decade later, Judy's words echoed in my head during every infertility treatment I endured.

So many, many times I've wondered whether my thoughts and Judy's words were self-fulfilling prophesies. This morning some big dots connected themselves in my head.

It wasn't the thoughts or the words that drew these things into my life, it was the feelings they created. Fear, guilt, shame, and remorse are magnets for lack, for loss, for pain.

Mystic Wing and I have spent long hours playing with and studying magnets. Their laws are immutable: whatever you run from chases you. Stop running, step toward it, and the very thing that has been chasing you retreats. Every. Single. Time.

The Law of Attraction is so damned simple. And so damned irrefutable.