Saturday, November 01, 2008

Adding to Our Family

Katie was indeed talking with her birth mother at the very moments I was writing yesterday's post. She called me right afterward, full of amazement about their similar tastes and interests. She kept saying, "She's so normal, Mom. And so nice."

At Katie's suggestion, I then called N. We talked for almost an hour, and indeed she IS so normal and so nice. We both cried a great deal, but we also laughed together at the wonder of the daughter we share. I thanked for the unbelievable gift she gave me and assured her that Katie had grown up believing in Ns love for her, believing that placing her for adoption was a choice made out of love, not convenience. We made a plan to have lunch or tea or something next week so I can share some pictures and some Katie stories.

We agreed that Katie gets to set the pace of this, to lead the way for all of us. We agreed that whatever she needs and wants is what we will try to provide. I believe N wants only the best for our girl, no matter what that may be. Me, too.

At the end of our conversation, N told me it was the best day of her life. She said she had imagined this day a million times, had rehearsed what she would say and envisioned how it would all go. But nothing she ever imagined, she said, came close to the wonder of what actually happened.

When she settles down a bit, N may come to see the yin and yang of it, as I do. Because yes, she is reuniting with her child, but she is also being made more aware of all she has missed.

There is yin and yang for me, too. It is hard to give over, even a little, my place at the head of the mother table. There is the feeling of threat and danger. But on the other hand, my daughter's joy spills over to me, and I can only be glad to have a larger circle of people who love her. And who could ever have guessed that we'd live in the same town, so far from where we started? In some great cosmic shuffle, N and her husband moved here two months before I did. I've always believed we'd find her some day. I never imagined it would be in my back yard.

God is good and I am grateful, today and always.

8 comments:

kario said...

I've said it before and I'll say it again: you, my dear, are a wonder. What a gift you are to both Katie and her birth mother. Your gentle spirit and the fact that you lead with love sing out loud and clear.

Blessings to you all. My heart is feeling the yin and yang for you.

Michelle O'Neil said...

Wow Jerri. You are such a generous soul. SUCH a good mother.

Love to Katie.

You blow me away.

Deb said...

The gift you are giving N is beyond measure. Your acceptance and generosity and compassion take my breath away. If Kathleen's mom had been willing to be with me, her daughter's life would be much easier than it is today.

This is all abundance, my friend, because of your courage and tremendous love. I am inspired and in awe, and holding you in my heart as you face the pain in the midst of this great joy.

Carrie Wilson Link said...

Way to hold both truths together! Thank you for sharing this profound journey with us!

Amber said...

These three posts about this has just made me cry. I am so moved! Moved by how life "happens"-- living in the same town? Yeah. Total accident, I am sure. (not). So moved by how...Amazing and loving you are. So moved by how brave you are! So moved by your mothers heart. Oh, how you have such a mothers heart!

She was lucky to have you. IS lucky to have you... and nothing and no one will ever keep her loving you best. If anything, what you do now only will make her love you more. I know it.

((you))

:)oxoxox

Amber said...

I meant "Keep her FROM loving you best"!!

:)

Dee said...

WOW!

Jess said...

Wow, I am excited and happy and proud. What an amazing opportunity for all of you. And handled by you with such grace. Truly this is a time for new beginnings.