Monday, November 17, 2008

Lost Weekend

It's 4:30am Monday morning. I woke up on the living room sofa a few minutes ago and realized I haven't slept in my bed for three nights. Maybe four. I haven't showered or changed clothes since Friday, but I'm pretty sure I brushed my teeth on Saturday. Can't remember my last meal. If alcohol or drugs were involved, this would be a bender. Since they are not, it can only be depression.

Time to snap out of it.

It hasn't been a pity party exactly. More like a guilty party with me as the guest of honor. But this morning I realize the book that sent me over the edge is based on one woman's theory. No body of evidence, no double-blind, scientific studies. A considered opinion.

And it's partially true. After all, everyone has a wound. Some people can point to a cause, such as adoption. Others of us are left to wonder. Reminds me of a song we used to sing at St. Joan's, Anthem by Leonard Cohen.

The birds they sang
at the break of day
Start again
I heard them say
Don't dwell on what
has passed away
or what is yet to be.

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.

More later. Right now, I've got a shower to take, some tea and toast to make. Soon as day breaks, I'm going to take my cracks outside where the light can reach them.

ps: I'm getting rid of all those books. Not going to read, listen to, or watch anything but FUNNY for a while. All suggestions welcome. Bring on the funny.


Michelle O'Neil said...

Amy Sedaris on your tube is always a good bet.

Anonymous said...

Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum series is always a riot. If you are looking for sort-of-but-not-really spooky but also funny try Karen Marie Moning's new fae series (Starts with "Dark Fever" I think).

Also, about the theory that adoptive parents create a demand/supply situation - complete bullshit. There is an overload of kids needing homes since AIDS hit the scene in a big way. Especially in Africa. Not to mention the tsunamis and earthquakes and Katrina and the birth rate control of China...get the idea? not to mention the fact that only a small handful of desperate women become surrogates just for the money. Your children would have been born whether or not you chose to adopt or not. You just gave them a loving home. Adoption is a GOOD THING!! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

luckyzmom said...

Now that's the spirit!!!!

Amber said...

That song is beautiful!

I say The Princess Bride is always a great fall back. And for me, French Kiss and Grease.


kario said...

Good for you for letting yourself do what you needed to by resting on the couch and taking some time to feel what you're feeling before you realize it for what it is and move on.

As for laughs, anything written by David Sedaris, or the movies "Run, Fat Boy, Run" or "Hot Fuzz."