Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Did You Hear That?

That was the sound of my heart breaking in two.

I got out the duct tape because you can fix ANYTHING with duct tape. Right?

One of the best Christmas presents I ever received was a calendar Katie made when she was 15 or 16. The months alternated pictures of Katie and Evan. This was before calendar-making software. She had the idea and took photos to a print shop to get help putting it together. It was a magnificent, three hankie gift.

Katie just asked me to scan some photos and send files so she can make a calendar for N for Christmas.

It is a thoughtful, lovely idea, and I'm proud of her for coming up with it. I maintained my composure as she asked if it was okay with me. I said all the right things. AND I will scan the cutest photos I can find and send anything she needs or wants.

It is only here in the darkest corner of cyberspace that I can or will even whisper the truth: It breaks my heart.

7 comments:

Carrie Wilson Link said...

Understandably so.

Michelle O'Neil said...

Jerri, love. It is okay to say no. Or not now. Or not yet. This is a whole lot for you to take in.

You are a great mom. You've got nothing to prove. Your feelings count too.

mamatulip said...

Oh, Jerri. Wrapping my arms around you.

kario said...

So much so fast. I am sorry, my dear.

Michelle is absolutely right. Your feelings count, too. It's okay to make them known. Not to make her feel guilty or prompt her to change her behavior, but to let Katy know. You are a person, too.

Love.

Deb said...

The duct tape probably won't work on your heart, but the love of your friends will help you hold it together until it can begin to heal from this great event.

Thank you for sharing your story, Jerri. Please take care of yourself.

Amber said...

I have only love for you, sweetest lady.

((((BIIIIIG hugs))))

:)

Stacy said...

I understand. Trust love, trust it, you cannot fail, you will be OK. Here's a hug too. (as if any of this helps)