Tuesday, September 22, 2009


The story I'm telling myself this morning is that nothing can ever change the fact that I am my children's mother. Other people can and will and should join our family, but we are the center, the actual family.

This story may be fiction.

Two brothers found each other recently. Adopted by different families, they did not know one another until they ended up working together. They way they have their hair cut, the glasses they choose, the clothes they wear—all of it is virtually identical. The blood ties are as plain as the broad noses on their squarish faces.

The CBS news story makes my heart bleed. One co-worker is quoted as saying, "There's nothing like family, especially when you don't have one. Now they've got it." Both these men were raised with siblings. At least one of their adoptive parents is still living. That counts, damn it. Those people count. They are family.

Of course, it is not their family for whom I am outraged, but myself. My fears shriek and wail inside my chest, writhing and fighting for light and air. I can turn off the news, refuse to read the story, breathe deeply until the fear subsides.

No story I tell myself changes the simple truth: Blood is thicker than water. Not more important than love, mind you; not more important than a lifetime of care and devotion. But undeniable.

What is the capitol of the state of denial? I want to move there.


Doubting Thomas said...

Sounds like the old fear story is being told again.

Unpleasant, but just a story after all.

How does it end?

Go Mama said...

Love you J. More LOVE.

I don't care what anybody else says, regardless of bloodlines and childhood rights or wrongs, always remember:

LOVE is thicker than Fear.


Oh, and there is more than one definition of family.
Just sayin'.

BONNIE K said...

That is very sad to me that he felt that way.

kario said...

Blood may be thicker than water, Jerri, but your ties to your children are not water. They are love and love trumps all.

It is not a contest. Comparisons only lead to pain because when we feel that we don't measure up, we take it personally and want to work harder to be that other thing or person. You are who you are. You are perfect the way you are. You love your children and continue to give them everything you have to give. They know that. Trust yourself. Screw the rest.

Deb Shucka said...

Water is the nectar of life. Love is the manna. There is no black and white, dear one. I'm so sorry for your ongoing pain and pray that you'll find its true source and the healing that might offer.

mamatulip said...

I met my biological grandfather when I was in grade nine. My mother found her biological family for health reasons; it turned out she had been buying knick knacks from her father at the flea market down the road for years. It was exciting, to meet him, to see the similarities between him and my mum and to hear the story from his side.

And yet, I never considered him my grandfather. My grandfather was the man who was there my entire life, who pulled me in his lap and read Richard Scarry books to me. He was the man who taught me how to bait a hook and who told me of life growing up on the prairies. He was the man who instilled in me a dedicated work ethic, who taught me how to appreciate the news, and journalism, and mother nature.

My grandfather and I didn't share blood, but we shared a bond that my biological grandfather never could have given me.

Carrie Wilson Link said...


Anonymous said...

Blood is NOT thicker than water. I have friends who know way more about my children than my relatives do. Obviously that co-worker did not know what he was talking about. He probably did not even mean it the way it came out, but it does sound very insensitive. I'm sorry you had to read that, but don't you for a minute believe that blood triumphs family.

luckyzmom said...

"Screw the rest."

Michelle O'Neil said...

I believe you and Katie have known each other forever, and you are her mother.