Friday, September 07, 2007

Mysteries

I've had it in the last few days. My true voice, I mean. The one that speaks in the rhythms of my head and heart, the one that isn't concerned with impressing people or making them think I'm smarter than I am. The story I've been writing may or may not be good yet--it's a first draft after all--but the voice, that voice is the one I've been trying to uncover for a long time.

It went dormant in the night.

Writing this morning, I find myself typing convinced when sure would be the natural choice, describing what happened rather than living it out on the page. My sentences would totally please Grammatica, but they don't please me. They have such good posture, sit up so straight in their chairs.

What now, damn it?

The other day I read that real writers are the ones who keep writing even when they don't feel like it. The ones who plod on and trust in revision. They don't wait for inspiration. They don't believe in magic. They do believe in hard work.

I believe in hard work. I really do. So, this morning I've plodded on. But I'm writing dreck. Stilted, formal, city-girl dreck, a faded gray photocopy of the story inside my heart.

Maybe what I need is to get away from it for a few hours. Think I'll go ride my bike on a tan dirt road this afternoon. There's one not far from my house that runs parallel to a spring-fed creek. Maybe eating a little dust and watching the water run is what exactly I need. Cause more of this certainly sure isn't the answer.

6 comments:

Amber said...

Oh boy do I get this!! I have been trying to think the same thing, about writing through the hard times, until That Voice comes back...*sigh*

I believe in you! Keep at it, when you are done with your ride.

:)

kario said...

She'll be back when she's ready. Maybe it would help to sit in a quiet room and read over the parts where you did have the voice. She might recognize herself and come back with a vengeance.

Love you.

Eileen said...

Keep going Jerri, you are on to something really beautiful. Your voice is in there, and is just waiting to come out, so write, and write even if it is not about what you think it should be about, because I know you will end up back there. Connections are a funny thing, you start with sitting, write about having a hard time writing, why you think that is, what is distracting you and so on. Soon your off, and writing and let go and see where your inner self takes you. Take a break, but don't stop writing now.
Good luck! XOXO

Stacy said...

Nothing helps connect the voice to the inside better than a walk on a dirt road, a bike ride, a swim. I love to walk on the railroad tracks when I get stuck, all those lines and gravel and trees, one foot in front of the other. Smart move.

Carrie Wilson Link said...

Love the honesty - your situation so relatable!

Deb said...

I love that you're sharing your process with such vulnerability here.I love that you're taking such good care of yourself. Thank you so much for sharing yourself with us.