Sunday, October 12, 2008

Through a Glass Darkly

I have lived alone for one thousand, two hundred and twelve days now, but I am only beginning to recognize the fact of that aloneness.

Lately, it feels as if two realities are at play, and every once in a while I get a glimpse through the veil. On one side of the nylon netting, I live in a darling little house facing a pond. There is me. There is my dog. We are alone here (if you don't count the occasional invasion of mice) but do not often recognize a void in that state of being.

On the other side of a gossamer dream lies a great waiting, an opening that wants to be filled. It's hard to explain, but I just walked from the laundry room back to my bedroom and found myself surprised no one was there. Not as though I actually expected a person to be present, but as though I'd somehow accidentally seen the hole where someone could be, over there between the bookshelves and the big wooden chair.

Always just a flash. I blink it away the way a man might glimpse the top of a woman's silk stocking and then convince himself he's imagining things because women don't wear silk stockings and garters anymore. Although I am not given to referencing the Bible, with every one of these flashes, this verse from 1 Corinthians hangs in the air:

"For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known."

There is nothing I want more than to know and be known. I do so hope these flashes are pointing the way.

4 comments:

Carrie Wilson Link said...

Ominous!

Michelle O'Neil said...

: )

Deb said...

I do believe you can trust your sights and insights. This is just another of the many markers along your path getting you ready for the what's next. I'm so excited for you, and so thrilled you're sharing. It makes me hopeful for my own journey and grateful to be traveling with a royal adventurer.

Stacy said...

Like Tim Gunn says: Make it work- but I think its more like make it real.
Oh- sometimes the imaginary friends can be so much easier to get along with