I went to the dentist.
I did not stay.
Settled into the chair. They strapped on the black rubber pig nose for nitrus and brought out the instruments. As the dentist and his assistant gathered round me and prepared to shove their hands into my mouth, I panicked. At first, I asked for a moment to gather myself, and then I knew. I knew I could not stay there.
The dentist was kind. He said sedation dentistry exists for a reason and referred me to someone who will knock me insensate before invading my personal space with power tools. I took that out and ran with it.
I felt like a prize-winning, blue-ribbon-at-the-state-fair, tickertape-parade-earning idiot. But I also felt that treating myself kindly, being patient with my weaknesses for once, might not be the end of the world.
I cried. I shook. I got up off the chair and went home.
Next stop in the dental saga: total oblivion. That, I think I can handle. Details to follow.
*If you haven't read Haven Kimmel's She Got Up Off the Couch, treat yourself to it. It's simply terrific.