Thursday, May 03, 2007

Falling Up

I fell on Monday morning. Down like driving rain, down like baseball sized hail, down like sledgehammer blows. Walking on my parents' driveway, I turned to look back at something in the garage. I felt my right ankle give way and saw myself crumple.

My left knee took a pretty bad beating, but I can't feel it (don't have much feeling left from my kneecap to the middle of my shin after a rollerblading injury 15 years ago). The rest of my physical self was shaken up but okay. My psyche took the hardest blow.

How did this happen? Yesterday I was a young mother, falling down the stairs holding my infant son, marveling at the instincts that allowed me to protect him even while I was bumping down an entire flight. He didn't even wake up, and that was all that mattered.

Today I'm . . .shall we say. . . mature. . . enough that I just don't bounce the way I used to. The thing is, I still want to fall.

I want to fall in love again.

I want to fall under the spell of poetry that's new to me.

I want to fall for bad lines and good jokes.

I want to fall into bed, exhausted at the end of long, fruitful days.

I want to fall into bed with no thought of sleeping.


I still want to fall.

13 comments:

Stacy said...

me too, but I probably will still look around to see if anyone saw me.

Cynthia said...

This took my breath away. Now, where will the next tumble find me?

Deb said...

I love how you turned this around. I want to fall all of those ways too. I hope your body recovers quickly.

kario said...

Falling, maybe. Road rash, not so much.

Sounds like your reflexes are pretty good, Jerri! Glad to hear it.

Eileen said...

I am sorry to hear that you fell and hurt yourself in a physical way. I hope you feel better soon, rest, ice and all that standard stuff. HOWEVER, I can say with absolut confidence that your falling days are not behind you. In fact with your beautiful and gentle spirit, you will have many more amazing falls to look foward to. The best falls are yet to come. Now take care of the physical pain and heal. XOXO

Skyelarke said...

that was so beautiful.

Carrie Wilson Link said...

Gorgeous.

Ziji Wangmo said...

I adore this writing.
I hope you are okay. I have no worries that you will always be open to "falling" -love is all around waiting to catch you.

Amber said...

Aww, so good.
I am happy you are okay, though. And also that you are brave enough to want to fall! You inspire!

:)

holly said...

Love this ...
I'm printing the I want to fall poem at the end and hanging it by my computer....

Michelle O'Neil said...

Jerri, I hope you feel better! Riley and Seth would have said,

"She took a dive! She took a tumble!"

They fall all the time. Of course they are still made of rubber.

Kim said...

How beautiful! May you fall in all the wonderful ways you want to. I know you will.

That's amazing that your son didn't wake up. Extremely impressive instincts. And I think they've grown even stronger--this beautiful writing is the way you bounce now!

Jenny Rough said...

Oh my gosh I love this post! Falling can be a good thing.

I hope you're okay.