Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Restlessness

Today I am filled with unresolved desire. No, not THAT kind of desire. I am awash in the need for more. I want more time, more energy, more beauty, more laughter.

I want more.

I want to trudge along the shoulders of mountains in Montana and merengue with the tides on the Oregon coast. I want to roll through Napa Valley, savoring the sights and the smells of harvest time. I want to learn to dance. I want to learn to draw. I want to play with color and paint word pictures that make readers sigh quietly.

Like Molly Bloom, I want to say yes. Just yes. Yes to the music, yes to the moon. Yes to the cold winds of winter and yes to the cerulean sky. Most of all, yes to my restless heart and mind. Yes, let's go to the library and read. Yes, let's learn things we'll never need to know. Yes, let's fritter away entire afternoons researching ideas that will never, ever fit into a book on designing with ceramic tile.

I want to live Molly's words, the last line of Joyce's book: "Yes I will yes I said yes." Instead, I tell myself to stop this foolishness and get back to work on the books that pay the bills.

And yes, for now, I will.

9 comments:

Kim G. said...

What a great post! If I could, I'd say yes to: building a lego house, reading my current book for an hour straight (The Twentieth Wife), knit a scarf, make a necklace and take a nap!

~Nancy~ said...

I am sure you did great!
I need a reason to have a "day of beauty".
Except I probably need at least a week.
I totally agree about "The Process". I see This Woman in the mirror and I have to take another look.....WHO is that older stranger looking back at me? She looks like.........my Mom.

Carrie Wilson Link said...

Ah, yes, the balance between reality and fantasy - what a drag!

Ziji Wangmo said...

I'm with you. The fantasy of being and doing EVERYTHING can be so invigorating and inspiring! If we could only apply that mind-set to the everyday. I think that's the trick...don't you?

Mystic Wing said...

You've never posted a piece that more clearly spoke to who you are. Very nicely done—mucsically poetic.l

Oddly, your post presents a side of yearning that is kind of opposite of an idea I've been mulling over.

Then again, for you to see the bright side while I recognize the darkness isn't so odd, is it?

Terry Whitaker said...

Yes, yes, yes...I am so there with you. I want to do it all. Grab life with both hands and wring every last drop out of it.

Amber said...

Oh, I want to say yes, too! I want more time. More beauty. *sigh*
If only we had a magic wand where we could do it all.

This is a lovely post, Jerri.

:)

acumamakiki said...

Thank you for visiting me. Perhaps it's January that brings out wants and needs. Your list of Yes is inspiring.

Becca said...

How I too want to say yes, to savoring the sun in the south of France, to hiking in the mountains of Yosemite, to learning how to do the samba and make beautiful beaded necklaces, and maybe play the guitar, and, and, and....

If only there were time to say yes to it all~sigh.