Today I am filled with unresolved desire. No, not THAT kind of desire. I am awash in the need for more. I want more time, more energy, more beauty, more laughter.
I want more.
I want to trudge along the shoulders of mountains in Montana and merengue with the tides on the Oregon coast. I want to roll through Napa Valley, savoring the sights and the smells of harvest time. I want to learn to dance. I want to learn to draw. I want to play with color and paint word pictures that make readers sigh quietly.
Like Molly Bloom, I want to say yes. Just yes. Yes to the music, yes to the moon. Yes to the cold winds of winter and yes to the cerulean sky. Most of all, yes to my restless heart and mind. Yes, let's go to the library and read. Yes, let's learn things we'll never need to know. Yes, let's fritter away entire afternoons researching ideas that will never, ever fit into a book on designing with ceramic tile.
I want to live Molly's words, the last line of Joyce's book: "Yes I will yes I said yes." Instead, I tell myself to stop this foolishness and get back to work on the books that pay the bills.
And yes, for now, I will.