Pretty Complicated

Finally did the audition for the commercial yesterday. The process of getting ready was really something.

2:30 to 3:15 pm Wednesday: Get face waxed. Eyebrows, mustache and chin cleared of all offensive hair.

11:00am Thursday: Go shopping with close (very skinny) friend. Find nothing that fits, nothing that feels even vaguely flattering.
2:30pm Thursday: Return home feeling frumpier than frumpy. Wonder why in the hell I agreed to this.

10:00am to 12:00 Friday: Get hair colored.
12:00 to 2:30 Friday: Go shopping (alone). Find 20 things I like, 3 of which fit and look okay. Settle on one "look." Walking out of store after a torturous hour, catch sight of a cream jacket, try it on, ditch all former decisions for entirely new idea. Moan to myself about why I agreed to this.
3:00 to 3:45pm Friday Try on several permutations of planned outfit for various "advisors." Discover that no two people like the same combination. Decide to decide for myself.

2:00 to 4:00pm Sunday: Launder new clothing. Polish shoes. Search for scarf in disastrous closet. Do facial masque. Conduct search and destroy tweezing mission on hair resprouting on chin and upper lip. Ask myself what the *(&% I was thinking when I agreed to this.

6:00 to 8:30am Monday: Wash hair. Blow dry hair. Steam clothing. Hand wash matching velvet glove I spilled soup on Sunday evening. Frantically try to dry velvet glove.
9:00 to 9:45am Monday: Get hair "done" by stylist at my salon.
9:45 to 10:00am Monday: File and polish fingernails.
10:00 to 10:45am Monday: Apply make up.
10:45 to 11:00am Monday: Submit to inspection by everyone in salon. More stray hair removed. Outfit scrutinized. Lint roller employed. Search for velvet gloves.
11:10am Monday: Find velvet glove flopping around (still damp) in salon dryer.
11:20am Monday: Collapse into chair at audition, wearing my assigned number: 13

The audition itself was fun. The photographer showed me the digital stills. Surprisingly ok. I'm not afraid of video cameras after all these years of occasional tv spots, so the taping was fine. The woman who asked me to audition later told me the director really liked me. Good news, but who knows what that means. They're auditioning 200 people for 10 spots, after all.

In the end, I felt well dressed and well groomed. Sort of pretty, even, but it seriously took a village. Grooming gets pretty damn complicated after 50.

And people? I just don't have that kind of time.