Sunday, September 28, 2008

levels

Yippee!!! I finished proofreading the monster last night, bless my little soul. Got a glass of wine and turned immediately back to Hillary and Queen of the Oddballs.

Anyone who's been reading along lately knows I've been groping in the dark for something I can't name but feel sure I'll recognize if it shows up. I've been working a lot (thank you, God), mostly mundane writing just to pay the bills. My life feels stale, but I've been getting flashes of possibility lurking like day-old crusts ready to be transformed into Louisiana Bread Pudding.

With Hard Sauce.

Moving to Missouri seemed like the right thing three years ago. Now I'm not sure. My life has settled into stagnant patterns of work and worry. The oddball pieces that make me who I truly am and give me joy are falling away.

Reading Hillary's book, I realize that what I'm doing is not who I am. That lesson has been offered to me before and I thought I'd absorbed it, but it slips away.

What I'm doing is NOT who I am.

Not. Who. I. Am.

My life was once grandly, gloriously filled with romance and adventure. Technicolor. Now it's mundane and ordinary. Shades of gray. I fear that gray is a condition of getting older, and it can be. But it doesn't have to be.

Right now, I work alone in my house far too many hours of the day. I haven't been to an author appearance, a play, or even a movie since early spring. I haven't traveled anywhere other than my brother's house and the Chuckwagon Races for 18 months.

Reading the stories of Hillary's patchwork life, I see once again how things change and change and change again. Your spirit is constant. Only your circumstances change. And you can direct that change, if you choose.

It's called Co-Creation, and it asks only that you get quiet enough to locate the Flow and then enter it.

I can do that.


ps: if you missed Michelle's post about Riley's comment on silent, go read it now. Simply amazing, that girl is. Her mom, too.

9 comments:

Doubting Thomas said...

Even the periodic grayness serves its purpose, I think, if for no other reason than to allow us to rest and tgo help us appreciate color when it returns.

You seem to be back at the point where color is about to explode again for you.

Heaven help us all when that happens.

kario said...

You are anything but mundane and ordinary.

Perhaps another fun trip to the West Coast is in order....
;-)

Love.

Suzy said...

Forget the west coast- they're nuts out there....

Move to New York...now that's anything BUT mundane.

Love,

Suzy

Michelle O'Neil said...

Aw...thanks for the Riley love.

All through this post I kept smirking, thinking Jerri is on the brink of...ahem...."taking a lover."

"groping in the dark for something I can't name but feel sure I'll recognize if it shows up"

"Hard Sauce" ???

"My life was once grandly, gloriously filled with romance and adventure"

Who might this person be? The one on his way to you? What's he look like? How does he walk?

Get out your cow girl boots baby! Shave your legs.


; )

I'll live vicariously.

Deb said...

I don't think there are too many cowboys on the east coast. Lots here on the west coast, though. Loggers and farmers and other he-man types as well. Also some women who would just love to provide you with sidekick support. Women who just love you.

Carrie Wilson Link said...

Ignore Suzy. Listen to Kario.

MIchelle is amazing. Riley is amazing. You are amazing.

BTW, I agree, I think you're getting "lover ready." If you haven't already done so, rent the entire Season 6 of "Sex and the City." Stat.

riversgrace said...

Yes, ignore all advice east of Oregon! Don't you want to live in the greenest city in the US? The hotbed of writing and craft, with the best (and non-pretentious) restaurants, and down-to-earth men? Not to mention the friends who await you!!

Ok, besides all that....

I look forward to discovering with you just what unfolds. The good news is that you're paying attention and open to seeing the signs.

Stacy said...

As a woman who has been dwelling on the mundane theme also, here is the really good part for you, you are getting ready to open the door to your exciting new "lover" whatever that may be and well, as much as I love my lover, he's already here and mundane-ity creeps in anyway, same ole thing- dishes, laundry, homework, work- my story is written, yours is open for change!

Amber said...

Hey! You know what would put some kick in your panties? A visit to SUNNY CALIFORNIA!! Come stay with a semi-crazy beeeeotch and her two adorable midgets!

:)