Wednesday, August 20, 2008

It's Finally Here

It's here, a day I've wondered about many times, one I've dreaded and maybe sort of looked forward to, in an odd way.

Today, Katie asked me to help her find her birth mother. She asked a couple questions about her baby years and the conversation morphed into a couple questions about her birth mother. She said, "I'd like to find her before I get married someday."  And then, in an instant, she leaped past someday to now. "There won't ever be a perfect time," she said. "I've always thought I was too busy or whatever. But there's always going to be something. It might as well be now."

I pulled out my computer and got busy. The agency's website explained what we need to do to start the search. I agreed to call tomorrow and get the process going. 

I'm excited for Katie and curious about how it will all work out. I believe that knowing Katie's birth mom will add to our lives, not take away from them.  There is a tiny edge of fear, but it is tiny. 

I've always known this day would come. I've promised myself that when it did, I'd act in my daughter's best interests, that I'd trust her and myself and the love we share. Now that it's here, I pray I won't let her down. Or myself.

Stay tuned.


Carrie Wilson Link said...

Journey mercies! I love your attitude about this! Katie is a lucky girl, one great mom for sure, maybe two!

mamatulip said...

Best of luck to both of you on your search. My mum found her birth parents when I was in grade 8 and it was an amazing, interesting, beautiful journey.

holly said...

I know you won't let her down. How lucky she is to have you as a mom, J, to have you right in the thick of this learning with her and their to hold her through it. You are an amazing woman, my friend.

I only hope if you do find this woman, it gives her peace to know what a wonderful mama and upbringing and life Katie has!

Good luck.

Coloradolady said...

I have been reading your blog for a while. This post made me want to leave a comment. I have three adopted cousins. I only have one who is not. As far as I know, none of them have searched for their birth mom's. I had an Aunt who wanted to search, for medical reasons for her son, but I don't think they ever did.
I wish you the best in this journey. Remember, no one can take your place. You were the one who is in your daughters heart. Sometimes it is the unanswered questions that nag at your heart. Go in peace as you embark on this task. I will be thinking about you.

Nancy said...

This cannot be easy but you are trusting and strong. I'll pray for you both.

Deb said...

Your courage and open heart is giving a huge gift to Katie, her birth mom, and to you. Sending love and lights and prayers to all of you. Even with all of our challenges, I am grateful every day that my daughter found me.