Thursday, October 18, 2007

On Another Front

It's not all pink hair and giggles here on the pond. No, indeed.

My son took his stuff and stormed out yesterday, leaving behind a vapor trail of anger. He's planning to stay with my folks until his apartment is available on Friday.

He left after saying some of the most hurtful, shocking things he's come up with since he was 17. He clearly believes the problem is of my making. I don't know what to believe.

I have done my best. Trouble is, my best is not good enough to help him. Living with that is not easy, but it is necessary.

Soon I'll right myself and come up with another plan. I always do. Maybe this time the plan should be to accept that love does not conquer all.


Suzy said...

He's a tough one. You have done MORE than your best.

No love doesn't conquer all. Time and patience play a big part.

You my friend have to be gentle with yourself and you must believe the problem is not of your making.

It's about Evan, not you. It is his stuff.

Love you and think about you.

Deb said...

I second everything that Suzy said. This is not about you, even though he's aiming it at you. We'll continue to pray that he finds his truth and light and that you allow yourself the kindness of believing that you are not responsible for his road. Know that you are loved and held in great esteem by many wise and wonderful women. We are not wrong!

kario said...

That's right! Listen to these wise women. Love will conquer all, just not immediately. You can have love and compassion for him and still not allow him to treat you horribly because you don't deserve to be treated like that. The more respect you have for yourself, the more he will have for you, too. I, for one, am relieved that he is staying with your parents - two people who know you and love you. It just means you get your space back a little sooner and he just might hear some terrific things about his mother that he needs to hear.

Love you!

Go Mama said...

Can't be easy for you right now. Sometimes it's all we can do to hold the love for someone but not engage them. Sounds to me like this is also an opportunity for you to hold your space, stand firm in your own protective boundaries, and be gentle and kind to yourself. Show yourself the same unconditional love and nurturing you've shown him.

Love yourself Jerri. This will pass. Let him go...
Take back your power. Own it. He will be fine finding his way.

Big love to you.

Carrie Wilson Link said...

Ditto everyone else. I don't think this is actually Evan talking, it's his illness. Hard to hear, definitely, but that's not his soul speaking, that's the part of him that has been affected by lots of things that have nothing to do with you, my friend.

Michelle O'Neil said...


Ziji Wangmo said...

Jerri - this sounds intense. You've got some good advice in these comments. Take care of yourself and try not to take his "stuff" personally.
We love you, girlfriend!

Terry Whitaker said...

Everyone's got to kill his own snakes. Even Evan.

Anonymous said...'s so painful when someone you love is projecting his/her own darkness onto you. I'm so sorry. Take care and know that this is NOT ABOUT YOU. Tough, but true. Be good to youself.

PS: last year you wrote me a wonderful email about placing around MPLS to visit with a child in bad weather. I STILL use it so thank you (I am not sure I ever replied...bad Mardougrrl!)!!

Amber said...

Oh man. If ONLY love did conquer all! But we are far too human for that to me true, I have learned. The hard way...

oxox :)