Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Holy Smokes!!!!


The wise and loving Tanya from Go Mama commented on the most recent NTKoG that there was some of me in Sheila, which is true, of course. I got to thinking about all the wisdom in the comments you guys have made and went back to read them all--every comment since the workshop.

And there--right in front of my eyes--was the answer. Several of you have commented on how these girls are pieces of me. Also how so many of them were sacrificed. That's so true. They were sacrified to greed, to incest, to social climbing, to arrogant men.

And THAT's the biggest thing we have in common. I was sacrificed to silence, to ignorance. I knew nothing in so many ways, especially about sex. So much couldn't be talked about because it made my mom and dad uncomfortable. Ignorance and fear have helped me make some really bad decisions through the years. (I'm not blaming my folks for my bad choices here. Just saying ignorance was a big part of the picture.) Among other things, I spent 30 years--THIRTY F'N YEARS--unconsciously denying myself physical pleasure out of fear and ignorance.

Stacy, the wise and fascinating woman from Life Is Art read a strange, strange dream for me the other day. Here's some of what she had to say:

There is a lot going on here with womens issues in anger, powerlessness and spiritual trust. The cord is the spiritual cord or tie there seems to be some female anger, or anger at a female guide for not (or ancestor) for not giving you the strength or power to speak up for yourself to protect you in relationships.

Geez, Stacy. Could you get a little more RIGHT?

You could read books during an eclipse by the glow on my face and in my heart right now. You people—every one of you who reads and comments here—you have filled in a space that has been blank my whole adult life.

I am SO grateful.

I feel SO blessed.

I have SO much work to do.

Thank you. Thank you all. A thousand humble thank yous.


~Nancy~ said...

Oh Gerri, you ARE strong.

WE are Strong!

You HAVE to go read the latest post by Mrs. Darling on dishpan dribble, She addresses this VERY THING! Womanly strength, unity, support, understanding, sisterhood.
I would sprnkle in a bit more compassion and tolerance but it is right on.

How timely......or "meant to be"?

I am LOVING this series. I have not commented as each one sort of takes my breath away and leaves me flooded in similar memories. You could have been writing a parallel life story for me, in some ways.

Stay you have always been and always will be.

~Nancy~ said...


It cut off the end of the addy, sorry.

Go Mama said...

Oh Jerri,
This is so timely...and large. For me as well. I am so happy to have served you unknowingly.

Your steady encouragement and support, holding a (virtual) space for me even when I can't be there in presence or mind, or when I feel like I've somehow been excommunicated from the circle for something I know not, when I'm floundering and feel lost...yet you keep holding a space, has been a blessing for me as well. So thank YOU.

As for the other why-write-my-story thing, I am reminded of a couple of quotes:

"The universe is made up of stories, not of atoms”

"What would happen if one woman told the truth about her life?

The world would split open."

--both quotes, Muriel Rukeyser

Onward sistah!

Amber said...

So much of ourselves come out in oru writing, if we are really willing to let go. This is why I am not ready to let go, I
But you are very brave and talented.


Deb said...

Oh dear Jerri, you take my breath away with your honesty and insight and lovely gratitude. What amazing treasures you're finding in your stories. You inspire me and you know how honored I am to be in your circle.

kario said...

You know, we are only reflecting back to you the amazing wonderful woman that you are. You have done the work here by writing your truth and sharing it with us. I am so pleased you are discovering so much meaning in all of this because we are, too.


Stacy said...

I am grateful to be included in your praises. I'm with Kario, youre doing the work, we just tell you how we interpret it and how it affects us. You are inspirational and very brave. Keep going, and youre welcome. Love-

Kim said...

What a wonderful post, and a wonderful journey you're on!

Remember that everything you are grateful for you give in spades to so many others, every day. Your comments are always so thoughtful, so insightful, so intelligent, and so full of love. WE are blessed to bask in your glow.

Ziji Wangmo said...

Thank you for sharing this, Jerri!

Monica said...

Dear Jerri,

You are always so brave to be searching and then taking in exactly what you need. That takes enormous courage. And then you share it with us. And that takes generosity and bravery, too.

You are a blessing. And I am grateful for you.