Saturday, January 16, 2010

Crystal Ball

Finally took my Christmas tree down last night. My house looked particularly beautiful for Christmas this year, and I've been reluctant to let it go. Plus, I've had all that not-panicking to do.

Wrapping Evan's "Baby's first Christmas" music-box ball, I sniffle. The baby should be 7 months old next Christmas. When I get these things out again, will it be for a joyous celebration? Or will I be trying to get through terrible sadness because the mother has taken the baby and run to her parents, five hours away. Will next year's tree be surrounded by bright packages for a beloved grandchild? Or will we be in the center of a firestorm because Evan and his girlfriend are not capable of raising a child or no longer together?

I stare at my distorted reflection in the big glass belly of a Christopher Radko Santa and wish for a crystal ball. Michelle told me this baby girl is a brave soul. I pray that's true. With everything in me, I pray that she is brave and resourceful and resilient. I pray that she understands the path she's chosen more than I do. I pray to be wrong about the impossibility of the situation.

In this dark night, I pray.


Anonymous said...

thank you for not sugar coating the situation. It is your honesty that will help both you and this child through this. She will have a grandmother not afraid to tell it like it is, bear witness to some of the hardships, and constructively help her to overcome them.

Deb Shucka said...

Praying along side you. With love.

Carrie Wilson Link said...

Michelle is right.



And more love. said...

My gramma couldn't fix everything for me, but she loved me. It was enough.

Amber said...

Like Michelle, I somehow made it through. And a lot had to do with the love of my grandpa...

Also, I sometimes have thought of my Aunt and her son when you speak of E. This same son got a girl-- who was using meth at the time-- pregnant. This kid was pissed all the time. I would SWEAR up and down that he was a sociopath half the time...Then this baby came. In fact, he came really, really early. It was a crisis...But her son, who had just been an ASSHOLE so much of the time, truely rose to it. Being a dad has changed in in ways I would have been far too jadded to believe...It has changed his relationship to my dear Aunt, too. Not perfect, but...changed.

Maybe that will happen with your son. It could happen.

No matter what happens with him, though, YOU can still be a light of love to this little one. And what a LUCKY baby.

oxox :)

Go Mama said...

Hearing you pray, I wish I had parents (or grandparents) who cared as much about my path in this world as you care for this little one.

Somehow we all make our way...we all get what we need, even though at the time we don't exactly know why....soul plan...divine's all been agreed before we get here...just takes a lifetime to unravel the mysteries and get to the nuggets of understanding.


Love you, my friend.