Thursday, February 05, 2009

Unlikely Dreams

Someone else's dreams are being delivered to my psyche.

Last night I was coaching a small group of runners. Or...maybe people who wanted to be runners would be more accurate. Anyway, we trained in parks that look like a park near my old office in Eden Prairie. We ran up and down small hills surrounded by ponds and trees and grassland. I was always at the head of the pack, urging the others to catch up. (I hear you laughing, B.) Then my band of runners was in a race. I was near the sidelines, cheering and calling to them. Near the end one guy bogged down completely--stopped with his hands on his knees and his head down. I could tell by his posture that he was giving up. I jogged over to him and held out my hand. He shook his head and turned away, but I stayed put. Slowly, reluctantly, he put his hand in mine and we started walking, then running. When the finish line came in sight, he smiled at me and dropped my hand. He ran the last 100 yards in full sprint and crossed the line alone. As he kicked it into high gear, I felt a satisfaction so solid you could hold it in your hand like a polished stone.

Several nights in the last couple weeks, I've dreamed of smoking. Cigarettes. I inhale deeply and feel the rush of nicotine through my body. My shoulders drop and my muscles relax and I am so very happy to be smoking. I can feel the smoke in my mouth and nose. I do that fancy blow-smoke-out-my-nose thing and feel very satisfied. It's a filtered menthol cigarette I'm smoking. I love how the end of the filter feels against my tongue and the way the paper sticks to my lips. I love the feeling of inhaling and exhaling deeply, smoke rushing through my mouth. That's the whole dream: an in-depth, up-close experience of smoking a cigarette.

Crazy thing is, I smoked part of one cigarette, 36 years ago. WTF do I know about smoking or how cigarettes feel or taste? For that matter, it's been 10 years since I ran seriously, and even then I can assure you no one turned to me for advice on running or any other sport. Ever.

Like I said, someone else's dreams.


Carrie Wilson Link said...

Wish we could meet for coffee and dissect these to death! WOW - so much going on in these!

Amber said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Amber said...

I think this is telling you that you-- just being you-- serve a great purpose and blessing in others lives. You help people, by loving them, and urging them on in our lives and dreams. And it makes you feel so good, because it is part of your path.

...And the other one is about oral sex.



Stacy Quarty said...

Oooooooh. Kinda creepy. That reminds me of an episode of Nip Tuck where a woman was having nightmares- not of her own, but of the suicide bomber that blew himself up right next to her. She had the doctors remove all the bits of his human shrapnel so his spirit would leave her alone.

Deb Shucka said...

I want to be with you and Carrie when you tear into this puppy. What I understand is that each part of these dreams is some element of you. Until I got to the smoking part, I had this great picture of you being kind and encouraging to your own self, and I love that.

And I think maybe Amber has something with her take on the smoking.

Boy oh boy is your life full, day and night!

Michelle O'Neil said...

I don't know what to make of it!

luckyzmom said...

I agree with Amber!

Doubting Thomas said...

Laugh? Me?

Now, if you were dreaming of playing basketball, maybe.

A very entertaining dreamlife you're leading these days. I'm envious.

Stacy said...

So, did your dad smoke? I notice he has COPD. Forgive me for being absent lately;I am giving a few things up in order to finish my class work, just a few more weeks. I see a great symbolism in giving hope and encouragement as well as understanding- empathy to your dad, who is tired of running this race. Sweet- you are- love- S