Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Panic

Headed to a writer's workshop at the end of the week, and it feels as though words have desserted me. Instead of the stories and ideas that have been running through my head since the novel idea was born, all I hear are doubts about my abilities and questions about what in the hell I think I'm doing trying to write fiction. Hell,, trying to write anything beyond the boundaries of the niche I've carved for myself.

I need to select three pieces and copy them for the workshop and nothing seems right. Nothing seems good enough.

Not good enough. It's the story of my life. There is no end to the grief I've caused myself by feeling not good enough. On the other hand, I've accomplished quite a bit while desperately trying to become good enough.

The yin and yang of it.

I'm wallowing in the panic a bit, I fear. (HaHa. I fear. Oh yes, I do. Funny how that word just danced off my fingers before my head realized what I was saying.)

I'll right myself soon and write something to post here.

Meantime, namaste to you all.

18 comments:

Mystic Wing said...

Breathe, grasshopper.

There is a very fine line between excitement and anxiety. View this as excitement and you'll be fine.

You're going to do very well, and the workshop is likely to get as much benefit from your attendance as you do from it.

I hope to hear lots of stories about the experience.

Knock 'em dead.

Suzy said...

I've been to 2 of Jennifer's workshops and believe me, magic happens. You have so much available at the your fingertips- you will be more than fantastic!
Trust me on this one....
You have so much to contribute. Wish you were at mine.....

Skyelarke said...

Jerri - Thanks to that link to your miracle story. I tried to leave a comment on that post, but it didn't work. I'm thankful to say that my sis is now out of the wheelchair (much prayer & physical therapy), albeit still on meds. Hopefully within the next year or 2 I'll be holding a little miracle of my own in my arms.

Anonymous said...

You are so talented. Just let the ideas flow and if they don't take a break or a walk around your beautiful pond.

a wise person once told me...

"Keep observing the world. Keep writing. Start believing in yourself." ;)

Skyelarke said...

Words have not deserted you... they have desserted you as you wrote. Turn off that internal critic. Allow your pen to free flow across the page or fingers across the keyboard. Keep writing until the true you shows up. My post on not hiding is relevant :-)
http://skyelarke.blogspot.com/2006/10/come-on-out.html#comments enJOY the weekend!

Amber said...

Enjoy your trip and workshop! I wish I did live in Portland, so we could get together and talk about our fear! LOL
:)

Terry Whitaker said...

YEAH--What Mystic Wing said!

Remiman said...

Jerri,
Your talents and ability are there, we've all seen it. Your inner critic trys to stop you from starting. Once you start putting words on paper the critic is silenced and the words will flow.
Have fun!!!!!!!
rel

ceanandjen said...

Everything that I read lately, particularly when it pertains to women, says that fear is always part of the equation, and that this will make you stronger when you do accomplish your goal. New ventures, particularly into the unknown are never easy; however, I do believe it will be so sweet when you get there.

Best of luck to you!!!!!

Wenda said...

Namaste

~NanCourt~ said...

Go kick some butt.....

In the short time I have "known " you, your talents and abilities have shown through.

If anyone can do this with panache', I know it is you.

Just know you have a cheering section back here, rooting for you, and wishing you the best!

Like Feller tells me all the time, "do your best and that is all that matters."
{{HUGS}}

giggles said...

Hey Jerri thanks for visiting my blog! Just wanted to say you’re never alone in those thoughts, I think some of the most creative people doubt their ability. Hang tough, everyone has something unique to contribute, I'm sure you'll do great.... just go for it!!

Your Sunday scribbling was so similar to how I felt about that prompt.The lack of sleep the whole bit! Good job!

Peace and giggles Sherrie

Carrie Wilson Link said...

Remember the Little Engine that Could? "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can." We all know you can, Jerri, join us in thinking so!

Kim G. said...

Hi Jerri! Found you through the comment you left on Amber's blog. I'm in Portland and know just the conference you are going to! Jennifer came to our book club about a year ago and I've been following her blog and writing conferences and wishing I could attend one. They always seem to happen on weekends that I've already got a ton of committments on. Have a wonderful time - don't worry about being "good enough" but cherish the thought of all the things you will learn that will make you a better writer than you are today.
Blessings!

Michelle O'Neil said...

Don't be scared Jerri!

Jennifer usually doesn't bite.



(Link does though. Watch out for Link).

; )

Ziji Wangmo said...

Jerri! Have an awesome trip -don't be scared, or anxious or whatever -you will have an amazing time! Your writing is fab, and you will be a tremendous part of the group -I wish I was going to be there, too. Just relax and turn off the inner critic, this is NOT her time to babble on.

It's YOUR time to shine!

JessPDX said...

Now that you've met everyone, does it still seem so scary?? Hmm, I haven't seen any biting yet. I'm so looking forward to tomorrow.

Great to meet you! And thanks for reading so much of my blog.... I could get used to lots of good energy like that on there.

:)
Jess

tinker said...

I think with most people, we each are our own harshest critics. I love your writing - and I think they will, too.

Namaste, Jerri.