Monday, October 09, 2006

Feeding the Machine

I was totally serious when I said fiction has chased me through my dreams for decades. Since 11, when I read Little Women and fell in love with Jo and with the idea of writing, I've longed to make up stories and felt inadequate to the task. The Dream probably started not long afterward that desire was born.

In The Dream, something interesting is happening. That is, a story of some sort is unfolding and I am watching, aware that I am dreaming. At some point in the story, a voice—always the same voice—suggests that I write stories. My reply is always the same, too. That I can't write fiction, am not capable of making up stories.

The voice then asks, "Why not? You're making this up and it's pretty damned interesting!"

The Dream visits me at least once a month and has since I was 11 freakin' years old! Somtimes it shows up night after night, until I'm so tired I can't function during the day. When I hit the wall, it leaves me in peace just long enough to regain my strength.

Having decided to try my hand at fiction, I did not have The Dream last night. Instead, I dreamed about how much I need more sleep. I swear my psyche is trying to gear up for the task ahead. I've been running on 3 to 4 hours a night lately. Not near enough for anyone, let alone a 52-year-old woman with a fair amount of stress in her life and a lot of people depending on her.

In addition to commiting myself to the NaNoWriMo project, I've committed myself to sheparding my strength. From now on, I will allow myself to write only on days when I have walked at least three miles. As I want to write almost as much as I want to breathe, this commitment will get me out the door.

My yoga kula has embarked on an autumn cleanse and yoga immersion. I'm off white flour, sugar, caffeine, and processed foods for the next three weeks but will try to extend that as long as possible.

Got to feed the machine. Plenty of rest + Exercise + Nutritious food = The Ability to DO THIS CRAZY THING.

Wish me luck, as I do all who participate.


Wenda said...

Jerri, Thanks for finding me and helping me to find you. If I wasn't so tired, I think I'd stay up all night catching up on your blog. I'll be back.

Anonymous said...

You're wise to store up strength for the project. It will be hard for me to stay on my exercise regime, but it will be needed more than ever :)

Suzy said...

This is not "a crazy thing". It is what you are called to do. Follow that dream and anwser it.
"Making this up" is incorrect. You bring your entire life and being into your stories and enrich us all. Thank you for that.

Carrie Wilson Link said...

The only thing crazy about you is the 3-4 hours of sleep with NO caffeine. That's just not right!

Seriously, Jerri, you are a born writer, the psyche doesn't lie! Go forth!

Anonymous said...

Thank you for your kind comment on my blog!
It sounds to me like someone has been trying to tell you something all these years! I hope you can get all the rest and preparation you need to help you silence that voice and finally do what it has been asking you!

Michelle O'Neil said...

Ahhhh.....the creative force has been flowing all along.

Sounds like you are gearing up to "allow?"


liz elayne said...

this is fantastic! i am so excited for you.
but. you. must. get. more. sleep.
(that is kind of an order!)

can't wait to read more about the experience.
and i have the dream comes right as i am drifting off to sleep and sometimes keeps me up with my mind swirling about the characters...

tinker said...

Best of luck - though I don't think you'll need it!

Now get some rest - you'll be glad you did, come November! lol