Friday, October 13, 2006

Mudgy* Morning

Nothing is clear this morning because so much is running through my head. Here's a small sampling.

• ALS is an insidious, frightening disease. Researching it, I am inspired to contribute to the fight somehow.

• The working title of my NaNoWriMo novel is Layers of the Onion, which I've come to call and think of as LOTO. This work I'm doing, this writing I'm contemplating makes me as happy as though I've won the Lotto. Should I be so lucky as to win the publishing lotto (find a publisher for it), a portion of the proceeds will go to ALS research.

• Claiming what I want (a la Mr. Frasier), perhaps I should say WHEN I find a publisher but fear that might fall into the category of hubris. That damn balance thing again. Enough and not too much: Never can figure that out.

• I spent a remarkable afternoon with my mother yesterday. We laid on her bed, almost without talking, listening to the music of her teenage years. It was one of the most peace-full, joy-full experiences of my life, a demonstration of the enormous power of forgiveness.

• When I was a teen-ager, my mom cursed me with the words, "I hope someday you have a daughter, and I hope she's exactly like you."

• I often bless my daughter with the exact same words. Ahhhh, the power of Intention.

• Said good-bye to the annuals on my deck yesterday, before the expected freeze of last night. Here's a photo of the gorgeous mandevilla that has graced me with abudant blossoms and lush foliage all summer long.

• The space you see left of the blossom, the thing that looks like a window? That's a reflection from the pond. Which is a window, in its own way. I've learned so much watching life reflect on my little pond.

More, hopefully clearer, thoughts later. Almost ready to sketch out the fourth character, but haven't quite gotten a handle on her yet.

* Thanks to Joan Didion for this excellent word from her excellent book The Year of Magical Thinking,


Michelle O'Neil said...

Lovely post. Love the picture of you and your mom, and also the one of your pond.

Carrie Wilson Link said...

I'm just concerned that you don't have your hands in enough pots, not enough balls in the air. You really should try to do something about that.

~NanCourt~ said...

Take care of yourself and let the "mudgies" pass....

I feel much the same.

I have SO much to do, nothing to prevent me from doing it, and can't seem to make any progress.
How can I be SO exhausted and not see any real progress?


It must be the change of weather or moon stage or something....
I think tonight calls for a deep glass of chablis and some senseless television.
I will raise a toast to you, my lovely friend.

p.s. My heart hurt is with Alzheimer's disease.....that long, painful goodbye that claimed my Mother a year and half ago.
I am not yet ready to be an activist in regard to it but will someday find the courage to face the monster.

Oh, and I love your pond window!!

Mike said...

Nice photo Jerri. I really like the color. As you may have noticed I have a soft spot for close-ups.

I`ve had a busy week, but my brain won`t stop jumping in different directions. I have scraps of paper scattered on my kitchen table/desk and in my wallet with lists of things I want to write about and show to people. Every area of my life is something to write about. First I have to focus that brain. Focus, focus..... ah, I think I`ll have a beer.

ceanandjen said...

Beautiful musings and beautiful moments spent. Thank you for sharing your heart.

tinker said...

I believe in the power of positive thinking, and affirmations. While it may seem awkward to say out loud what you want - I think if you preface it with your power of intention, others will understand, Jerri.
And I will be so happy for you, WHEN your LOTO book is published and then you can donate to ALS research!!

Lovely photo - thank you for sharing the beauty :)

Suzy said...

Maybe more words about the time with your mom?
Lovely, just lovely. Makes my heart happy.
Great reference to Joan Didion- loved the book.
Your thoughts always seem so clear- and such an abundance of them. Great work Jerri...

Mystic Wing said...

What do you suppose your Mom was thinking about with such a "curse?"

Having a daughter like you could only be a blessing, it seems to me.

Pity her powers of observation were so narrow.

Anonymous said...

I love the word "mudgy" too - remember it from her book, which was so heartwrenching.

I also belive in the power of positive thought-and came across this quote today...
"On the way to accomplishment, one should never stand in the way of their own sunshine."
So, plan on publication if that's your goal, and get out of your own way!

Tongue in Cheek Antiques said...

My dear dear friend has ALS.
when i read your first line I stopped and prayed for my friend.