Tuesday, December 08, 2009

Back Into the Fire

Katie will graduate from the University of MN on Sunday. I'm flying up Friday. (Paula's still not fixed and the weather is threatening. Flying seems like the smartest route this time.)

Katie and I talked a little about what to do after the ceremony and the same old problem raised its ugly head: she's got too many separate families to accommodate. Since we have so little time together, she wanted to hang with me but it wouldn't be fair to leave her dad out. I fretted for a couple hours, then picked up the phone and suggested Bill and his wife and I take Katie and Craig and Craig's folks out to dinner.

He agreed.

After 16 years of enmity, we're working it out. It was the engagement party that did it.  I took the first step to creating peace for the celebrations surrounding Katie's wedding. Not easy, but doable.  

When her wedding day comes, Katie will walk down the aisle with Bill on one side and me on the other. My goal is for that to be entirely joyous for her. The only way that can happen is for me to be comfortable, and I'm working on it. 

This, then, is genuine forgiveness. It's not forgetting. It's not accepting unacceptable behavior. It's simply no longer needing the story to be different.  And it's loving my daughter more than I dislike them.  

That, I can do. Every day, and twice on Sunday. Twice this Sunday, as a matter of fact--once at the ceremony and again at dinner. 

Wish me luck.


Deb Shucka said...

You have all the luck you need in the chambers of your open, generous and loving heart. Katie is one lucky girl. Looking forward to hearing about the gifts that will manifest as a result of your forgiveness.

Carrie Wilson Link said...

"It's simply no longer needing the story to be different."



mamatulip said...

You are good people.

Amber said...

"It's simply no longer needing the story to be different. And it's loving my daughter more than I dislike them."--

Hell to the yes. You are so smartypants.

I have had this issue with my own mom and dad-- among their other issues,lol-- and it sucks...sucks, sucks. So you are doing such a good work for your daughter. So UNselfish.

This Christmas I will envite both of them to dinner. *yikes*


luckyzmom said...

I am in awe.

fullsoulahead.com said...

Grace. You are grace.