Tuesday, June 01, 2010

Glimmers of Hope

Since mid-May, every morning, I've logged onto my account at the literary magazine where I submitted my story. Every morning, I steel myself for what I will see. So far, all I've seen is "In Process." I choose to see it as very good news that they've had the story for over a month without rejecting it.

Last night I read an interview with one of the magazine's editors. She says she reads the first page of every story submitted, right off the online system. She responds right away to the immediate "NOs." She marks others for continued reading, and then weeds out a bunch more from that stage. Some, she prints out and reads in full. From that group, she passes on a smaller number to her co-editor, who winnows down further.

From this, I deduce that my story was not an immediate "NO." I base this on nothing but supposition. And ego. Let's not forget ego. But seriously, it seems likely, after five weeks, that she surely has read at least the first page and judged it worthy of further consideration.

Evan and Kristin went home Sunday. Kristin is not supposed to be doing the stairs yet, but they were very anxious to get home. They actually stayed here only a few days, and then Kristin went to stay with her grandmother. We had no drama, and no cross words. They just left. I haven't seen Teagan since Saturday. Katie drove 1000 miles to be here for the weekend and saw the baby for a total of 30 minutes.

Teagan has not yet worn even one of the outfits I made for her. In fact, Evan and Kristin haven't taken a single piece of it home with them, not even the quilts. When I tried to pack those pieces up for them, they said, "No. She's going to need some things here." I choose to see that as positive, an indication that she will, in fact, spend some time here.

Every day, I log into the magazine's system and see I haven't been rejected yet. Every day, I am relieved and happy for an instant before reminding myself not to get too comfortable. Just because I haven't been rejected doesn't mean I won't be.

And so, I wait to see what will happen.

In process.


Carrie Wilson Link said...

I think it's all a matter of acceptance, not rejection, and that process. Which. Bites.

Deb Shucka said...

Carrie said it perfectly. It's all about the process, and knowing that none of any of it is personal.

fullsoulahead.com said...


luckyzmom said...

Wishing you the best possible result:)

Go Mama said...

The not knowing, the wait and see, is the hardest place to be. It's about surrender, and instead of waiting on others, refocusing on what it is YOU would like to create/do next.


Amber said...

I wish I had really good wisdom and words... But I don't. Because this hits so close to the bone for me. And because it also makes me want to yell at people to be nice to you, are they crazy to not be so happy to have you?! But maybe they are happy to have you, and Teagan will be around lots and lots. As a matter of fact, I have a feeling this will be so.